Artist Statement: My mask represents on how I am a normal looking person on the outside but on the inside I have anger and I am not complete. I don't mean that I am a typical American when i say normal as in the area that I live in which is Podunk southwest Colorado. I look like a redneck and i am a proud King Of Ropes hat wearer. The other side of my mask shows how i am shattered and i have a dragon eye because i have a lot of anger from my early years in my life. I am shattered because i have been neglected and surrounded a pedophile. I painted my mask to show on how one half of me is plain and faceless, but the other side is shattered. When i am saying faceless i mean that i am a blank canvas waiting for me the painter to come in and make something beautiful out of myself. My identity shows on how i am made through my self image and how to mold myself into something neither beautiful or facepalm worthy. Essay: A Visual Representation Of Me: Have you ever wondered if you could show how your life has been affected through the agents of socialization. Social media can have a big influence on a lot of people like me. I have always believed that what I have read/seen on social media is the perfect life you can live. Social media has socialized me into believing that being gay wasn’t right, that death was a joke, and that drugs were an easy solution to help people through life. School has socialized me into the belief that bullying can really hurt and that being at school is sometimes not a safe place. Because I could die by getting shot while doing my math problems because North America is going into a country of school shootings. As school affected me, so did social media throughout my little fifteen year life so far. I have been socialized into believing that I can be either manly and get everything right and I'm normal, or I’m a woman and am incomplete. My essay is about how I have been socialized through school, media, family, sports, and friends. We will start with media. Media has socialized me a lot throughout my life. It has taught me that if you don't cry than you are more masculine and that if you do cry you might as well be identified as a woman. Also that women are little, pathetic, and unworthy for anything a man can do. Also, that when they try to do something a man can do and they don’t get it right or done the first time they are known for being an incomplete or a failure unless they keep at it and get it done. Or that a woman is someone who is kind has a pretty face has all of the house skills you would ever need and is ready for how to deal with having kids. Media has taught me that when you are little you become known as cute and that no matter what the self judgement will make you turn your self image from being the cute one in the beginning. You think your the ugly one and that causes you to later feel desperate. As people start to realize that the lonely times aren’t when your alone they are when your with someone. That when you see people with someone you start to feel like you are supposed to have someone like that and that they accept you and vice versa. Media has given me the image of a perfect life involves having money and being popular. Media has impacted me in many negative ways but has also affected me in some positive ways. As did media so did my family because there were negative and positive impacts. Family has socialized me into believing that smoking, drinking and rape are ok and that you will be let off easy. Growing up, my biological mother was and still is an alcoholic. In her eyes, drinking and getting drunk was what made her happy and that it helps her forget the terrible things in this world. Having to grow up like this has affected me by not wanting to forgive myself or take responsibility for my own actions. Growing up with my mom, she always thought that I was a liar because she taught me to lie to the court, which made me feel guilty. I let everything get to me and I don't want to show emotion because I am not a strong person who my little brother and sisters look up to as. It hurts me especially when I have to hear about it from my family members. I have never felt so much love until my dad started to raise me. My dad was always the person to give up eating just so I could be well fed because my mom never fed me because all she cared about was getting drunk. My dad has taught me that I can be free. Living in Cortez and with my mom wasn’t a safe place for me. When I was younger, I was neglected and left to die because I wasn't getting the love and support I needed. I probably wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my dad. I have been affected positively by my mom because my immune system is pretty strong. But I have also been negatively affected with her because I have been surrounded by a pedophile since I was like 8-9 until my dad finally noticed it. Family and sports affected me mainly in positive ways which is helpful throughout my life. Cross country taught me that you can make it even when you are in pain and your teammates will cheer you on and you will make it no matter what because you’re supported and that is what matters. Cross country taught me that when you fall, you get up and start pushing yourself no matter what and keep pushing yourself to make a place. I was socialized into being a stronger runner because i wanted to keep up with the rest of the boys and run by them because I felt safe with them and when they would leave it would tell me to push myself and make sure that I could keep a tempo speed and stick with it so i don't show that i am not improving. I have made it to where I can keep a fairly good pace during a race and make it to where I can celebrate with my friends and teammates that I have made it through the race. Everyone's success means a lot to me because it shows we all have a love for supporting and making sure our friends are ok and ready to push themselves and go pro on others. I have shown that I can be there for people who I don't even know and on how we can strive for the same goal of either finishing the race or we just make it through the race. Cross Country also taught me that when you have varsity or the ladies cheering you on you turn into a completely different person because you have become more confident to pass people and your still supportive for others. Cross country affected me in a positive way because i am a stronger runner today. I have been affected in nearly no negative ways even despite me complaining about CORE because it was the worst thing possible despite it working somehow. It taught me that when you suffer you excel and that is what matters in everything you do it can go from being stuck in math class because you don't get the topic to running a 5k and being proud about it. No matter what it is, the moral is to keep at it and think in different perspectives. Cross country has also taught me into knowing that friends are the ones who are wanting to have you either succeed or fail it all just depends on your personal values. My friends have taught me that when you do something, stay in your own bubble. Friends have socialized me into skateboarding because I had one but didn't skate and then everyone started and i got into it to. I have been trying to get things right but i haven’t had the best grades at times and most of my friends do so i want to be like them because it will show that I can be like them because as my step mom says “it is easier to keep your grades up”. I am trying to show that my grades can help me become a successful person later in life. Also that I will get into my dream college because I worked hard for my own good and hopefully they do. I have shown that if you put your all into everything that you will most likely progress and you will turn yourself into a better person because you will have the confidence that you never had because you have a good degree. My friends have taught me that if they are trouble you will be brought with them and that will affect you throughout your life because you will find yourself further and further from a stable relationship. When people notice they will attempt to do things to help but if you don't accept it then you will be turned in the wrong direction. Which isn't any help when you are like me and you don't accept it because you are afraid to want help to be successful in life. My friends have affected me in a positive way because they made me love skateboarding, they make me want to go to school even if i am not happy or anything like that. I have been socialized from them because I find joy being with them no matter what, because I feel like it can be hard at times and if they don’t like talking with me or being around me all that I can do is try to be myself and be true to myself. Thank you for reading my essay I'm sorry if it was a bit stretched. Reflection: